Proving A Point
by ducktapedmoose
Summary: Mac realizes what's important to her. This is an episode reaction piece from a while back.


Author's Note: Man, this is really old...But I liked the idea, so here it is. Hope you enjoy it.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters in it. Sucks to be me.  
  
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"This whole case pretty much proves your point, doesn't it?" He says, looking a bit reproachful. What's he talking about?  
  
"What point?" I ask him, waiting for a jab about something that I've done recently. He looks away from me.  
  
"About how badly things turn out when coworkers cross the line." He says, his voice a little sad. An odd pang throbs in my chest, a mixture of pride and pain. Pride that Harmon Rabb admitted that I was right, pain that I'm the one that put that heartbreaking sadness into his voice. Trying a proud smile, I step into the elevator, turning to face him as he stands holding the door.  
  
"Wouldn't have happened if they'd just stayed good friends." I tell him, watching his expression change. Why did he have to choose Paraguay to decide that he had feelings for me?  
  
"Well hey, good friend, whaddaya say to a platonic bowl of pasta?" He asks, his voice and expression soft and, intentionally or not, seeming anything but platonic. My heart aches at what I'm about to say to him...  
  
"I'd love to," and I really would, "but, I--I'm having dinner with Clay."  
  
The look on his face is heartbreaking. It's full of longing and love and...hurt.  
  
"Oh...well okay. Ah, I just remembered, I left something in my office. I'll see you tomorrow, Mac." He says, letting go of the door and walking away quickly. The door closes and I push the button to the ground floor, closing my eyes briefly then looking up at the blinking numbers on the wall and willing myself not to change my mind.  
  
"You don't love Harm, you're with Clay. You don't love Harm..." I mutter, trying as much to convince as to strengthen myself.  
  
Only able to hold my composure for a few seconds, I pull out my cell phone and dial Clay's number. He picks up after two rings.  
  
Webb. He answers. Taking a deep breath, I try to sound cheerful.  
  
"Hey, it's me."  
  
Hi Sarah. What's up?  
  
"I'm not going to be able to make it to dinner tonight. I'm really exhausted with this case that we wrapped up today and...can we reschedule for another time?" I beg off, feeling only a little guilty for what I'm doing right now.  
  
Well, I could bring takeout to your place if you want. I know this great Thai place on--  
  
"Clay, I'm really sorry. I just want to soak in the tub and go to bed. Rain check?"  
  
Uh, sure. I'll call you. He says.  
  
"Thanks Clay. I'll talk to you later."  
  
Okay. Bye. He hangs up, and I take a deep breath. What am I doing?  
  
The elevator doors open on the ground floor and I step out, looking around to make sure Harm hasn't taken the stairs just to avoid me. I don't see him anywhere, even as I head out to the parking lot and see his SUV parked next to my Vette. A small smile creeps onto my face as I lean against my car, waiting for him to come out of the building.  
  
It's five minutes and thirty-three seconds before he comes out, glancing around like he wants to make sure nobody's around. Or that I'm not around.  
  
When he looks up and sees me, our eyes lock and a chill runs down my spine.  
  
"I'm not in love with him, I'm not in love with him..." I whisper to myself as he begins walking towards me. Putting on a brave smile, I push away from my car when he reaches me. He looks confused.  
  
"What are you doing?" He asks, his voice a little deeper and his eyes a little more guarded than before. I hesitate for a second, just looking at him before I catch myself and feel blood rushing to my cheeks.  
  
"Uh, I was wondering if your offer for noodles was still open." I say, my own voice sounding a little weird. I clear my throat and watch a suspicious look cross his face.  
  
"Ah, Harm the second choice. Did Webb cancel on you?" He asks, his face devoid of any smile or indication that he's kidding. Biting my lower lip and glancing down, I look back up at him and my heart begins pounding.  
  
"No. I cancelled on him. Do you want to eat with me or not, Sailor?" I ask, keeping my serious face so he knows I'm not kidding. He nods, a small smile finally finding its way onto his handsome face.  
  
"Yeah." He says simply. I guess since that's all I'm going to get out of him, I'll take the lead here.  
  
"So, where do you want to go?" I ask, smiling just because I'm happy to be having a conversation with my best friend that isn't about Clay or Paraguay, or some case that one of us is way too emotionally involved in.  
  
"I've discovered this new place downtown. Called Daan's Noodle House. It's quiet, small...Great place for old friends to catch up." He says. Smiling and tilting my head slightly, I nod.  
  
"That sounds good. I'll follow you there, okay?" He nods, heading to his car and leaving me to watch him walk away, coming to the realization that I'm treading on dangerous ground now.  
  
I lied to the man that I'm involved with (and that I'm supposed to love), and I'm going out to dinner with a man that I had feelings for for years (and that I think is in love with me).  
  
What am I doing? What is this power that Harm has over me? Is it possible for he and I to be just good friends, going on like that's all that's between us? Like we haven't loved each other at one time or another?  
  
Is it possible that I'm still in love with Harmon Rabb?  
  
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2 Weeks Later JAG Headquarters Falls Church, Virginia  
  
I have to tell Clay the truth. For the past two weeks, I've been cancelling on him and going out with Harm--to dinner, to the movies, to the park to jog...  
  
I need to tell him because I'm getting this sinking feeling that he's going to catch us. It's not like we're having some kind of torrid affair behind Clay's back, but there's no chance that he'd be happy with Harm and I spending as much time as we do together.  
  
The only problem is that, over the past couple of weeks, I've gotten to remember what a sweetheart Harm can be, when he's not pressured. Just with the two of us being 'friends'. He gives me his coat when I'm cold, he rents movies that he knows I love, and he cooks for me, things with meat that he wouldn't eat if you paid him. To add to the feeling I'm getting about Clay discovering my secret, I also have a feeling that Harm and I are getting back to where we used to be, comfortable as anything around each other and...happy.  
  
I suppose that it's time to own up to what I've been doing. I'm going to tell Clay that I've been hanging out with Harm, and if he doesn't like it, that's too bad. I let the men in my life get in between Harm and I before, but after the whole Mic and Renee fiasco, I swore that I would never let it happen again. If Clay can't handle my being friends with Harm, then he obviously doesn't love me enough to make this work, right?  
  
Picking up the phone, I dial his number, trying not to overthink this.  
  
On the one hand, I'm afraid that I'll do something stupid and give him up if he can't cope with Harm being my best friend. But, on the other hand, I've willingly put myself in a situation where I could see myself falling back in love with said best friend, which wouldn't be Clay's fault.  
  
Damn, so much for not overthinking it.  
  
Webb. Why does he suddenly sound so boring?  
  
"Hi, it's me." Fake the cheerfulness, even though you're about to throw a huge, possibly relationship-ending kink in the connection between you and Clay...  
  
Hi, Sarah. How have you been? He's acting like we haven't seen each other in months.  
  
"I've been all right," long pause..."Listen, Clay, I have to get something off my chest. You know how we haven't seen each other in the past couple of weeks because I keep having to cancel?" Gulp. You can do this, Sarah.  
  
Yeah. He's uneasy about this conversation.  
  
"Well, all those times I cancelled on you, I was doing something with Harm." There. I said it. Now what's he going to say?  
  
With Rabb? I thought you two were finished after Paraguay. I can hear the irritation in his voice. He thought he won me after Paraguay.  
  
"I know, but we've just really been trying to get our friendship back on track, and--"  
  
Sounds like you've been getting more than friendship on track. You've cancelled on me eight times in the past two weeks. Now a little suspicious. Always the spook, I suppose.  
  
"Clay, it's not like that. We've just been talking and rebuilding the--" That sounds weak even to me, and I can't blame him for cutting me off.  
  
Listen, Sarah, if you want to be with Rabb, the least you can do is tell me directly. Sneaking around really isn't like you. The words hurt, but there is some truth in them. I should have told him sooner.  
  
"Clay, we haven't been sneaking around! I just was worried that if I told you, you'd overreact, and this would happen." He's really not overreacting. If I told him half of what I've been thinking and feeling about Harm lately, he would probably have a coronary.  
  
You know what, forget about it. This is over, Sarah. You don't have to sneak around anymore or feel guilty. We're done. I hope you and Rabb are happy. Ouch.  
  
"Clay--"  
  
The line's dead. Well, I guess I know now. Clay wasn't the one for me. An unpleasant sting takes residence in my heart, the feeling of being dumped by someone that claimed to be in love with me only a few weeks ago.  
  
Hanging up the phone, I stare at it for a second, pondering what just happened.  
  
"Mac?" Harm's voice breaks into my thoughts, a welcome interruption from the ponderings over yet another failed relationship. Turning to him, I smile, a smile that doesn't have to be forced, and never has, not with him.  
  
"Yeah?" I ask, amused at the adorably confused expression on his face.  
  
"Are--you okay? You were just staring at the phone..." He trails off, looking at me like I might be crazy. I grin at him, feeling a hundred pounds lighter and a bit wiser now that the whole Clay thing is through.  
  
"I'm fine. I was just--I just got dumped." I tell him, trying not to sound like I'm devestated. Really, I'm not. But it doesn't feel good to be dumped. Harm frowns, sinking into a chair in front of my desk.  
  
"Webb dumped you? Is he crazy?" He asks. Pure, unadulterated amazement and bewilderment shows through his worried exterior, and I can't help the chuckle that escapes me. This man looks at me, sees my faults and imperfections, and still acts like I'm all that matters in the world. I shake my head.  
  
"No, I don't think he's crazy. He just couldn't handle sharing me with you. That's all." My voice is light, my tone indicating that I'm just kidding. My facial expression is telling a different story. It's certainly true, any man that wanted to be with me would have to share me with Harmon Rabb, there's no doubt. Harm is wearing this cute grin now, one that makes my heart flutter unexpectedly...  
  
"Really...Well, it's his loss, right?" He says, sounding and looking happier than I've seen him in a while. I think that me being with Clay really tore him up. I nod.  
  
"I guess. He can do better, I think." Now, I didn't really mean that the way that it came out. I meant to say that Clay deserves someone that he doesn't have to share with anyone. But the look on Harm's face when I say it makes me hesitate from correcting myself. He almost looks physically pained.  
  
"Mac, come on. Nobody can do better than you. You're the most intelligent, kick-ass Marine that I know, and the most incredible woman on the face of the planet. On the other hand, I know that you could do better than Clayton Webb. No offense to him, but you deserve much better than some spook that wears that same damn suit all the time." He's completely serious until he gets to the part about Clay's suit, which makes me think again about Harm's feelings for me. He said that I'm the most incredible woman on the planet...  
  
Trying as hard as I can not to swoon over what he just said to me, I smile and blush, looking down and not saying anything. I can't. I'm afraid that if I open my mouth, some desperate declaration of my undying love for him will spout out, and I don't want that. I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm not in love with him, although lately it's been sort of a losing battle.  
  
"Come on, Mac. Don't tell me I've rendered you speechless. Somebody call ZNN! Sarah MacKenzie is speechless!" He says, laughing. Looking back up at him, I can't help but laugh too. He's being so goofy right now, trying to cheer me up from being dumped.  
  
"Very funny. Don't forget who the ranking officer is here. I'll have you for lunch, Commander." I wonder why I just said that, fully aware as I am of the double meaning that it could have. Harm raises an eyebrow.  
  
"You'll have me for lunch? Hmm...This should be an interesting lunch. Ready to get to that, Marine?" He grins, hopping out of his chair and walking to the closed door. He knows it's nine in the morning, even without a clock in his head.  
  
Throwing him a mock glare, I shake my head, fighting the smile that's trying to creep onto my face.  
  
"You're something else, Harmon Rabb." I mutter, looking down and trying to figure out what I was working on before this all started. I feel him looking at me, so I glance in his direction again.  
  
"Yes?" I ask, my voice unintentionally soft. He gives me the pleasure of seeing a genuine Harmon Rabb 'you mean the world to me' smile.  
  
"You're just really beautiful." He says softly, still giving me that smile that would have my knees buckling if I weren't sitting down. I smile at him, once again unable to speak.  
  
Shooting me one last longing glance and another quick smile, he opens the door and leaves, closing me in behind him. He may be gone, but I know for a fact that he'll be back for lunch.  
  
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End file.
